Thank you for all of your perspectives about housework that I got on my Facebook status last week. Here was the status: Have you ever gotten a hold of the housework? Where you felt that things were under control for once and always? I may be quoting some of you.
Almost all of the images that I found on the internet about housework are cartoons. It's as if housework is a big joke, but as any woman knows, most of the time, it's just not that funny.
I used to have two places of residence to clean and organize--one was my house and the other was my classroom. For the nearly forty years of my career, I never quite felt that my classroom was as in good shape as it should or could be. At last, I don't have to fret about cleaning my classroom anymore!
Parental voices inside our heads die hard. Even though my mother (and father) have been gone for over 25 years, I still remember their white glove tests when they would come to my house for periodic visits. If you read the blog on my mother, then you may recall some of her harsh remarks on my housekeeping when she would visit. And even though (of course) I would clean the house super well when my parents were expected for a visit, my rather tall father once or twice told me that I had dust on top of my refrigerator. Bu the way, my mother was a housewife all of her life and kept a clean, clutter-free house. My older sister keeps her house so clean (and organized) that you could literally eat off her floors. So those two have been my examples in my family.
I'm so glad that my daughter Ellen doesn't feel that she has to clean up her house for me! We focus on what is important when we visit each other--the people. I'm so pleased that she and I feel that we can leave our houses the messiest/dirtiest for each other as for anyone!
It bothers me that hardly any of us mention housework, It's taken for granted. Hardly worthy of mentioning. If someone asks you, What are you gonna do today? few of us say that we are going to clean out that refrigerator or scrub those toilets. It's just assumed that those chores will get done and that they hardly count.
One of my favorite responses to my FB status came from Susan King, one of the best housekeepers I know. She responded, "Once but not always." When I was much younger than I am now--say 25 years ago--every summer, I would give my house a thorough cleaning. I mean from top to bottom--like with a toothbrush! I organized inside every closet, cabinet, and drawer as well. But that craziness ended when I began kayaking and hiking and traveling in the summer months. In other words when I began to have fun! Well, there you go--that should tell me something.
Here recently after I began to fret once again about housework, it came to me that the solution to my housework quandary lies within me. I need a whole attitude adjustment! There is no "perfect" way to keep house. (And therein lies part of my problem--the dysfunction and futility of my thinking I'm supposed to do things perfectly. One of my mantras can be--Embrace imperfection!) Each of us must keep house to suit herself.
Besides embracing imperfection in my housekeeping, I also want to train myself to look for and see the good--to see what has been done and what's beautiful about my home--instead of seeing always what needs to be done. I also need to say to myself that something I've done to clean, organize, or improve my house is "good enough." And no damn guilt about what doesn't get done. Or about those drawers, closets, etc., that don't get cleaned out often enough. "Often enough," according to whose standards? Consciously lowering my standards about some aspects of housework is another really good idea!
I'll have to say that what bothers me most about housekeeping is that it seldom stays done. It's such a circular activity. From bed making to washing clothes to cooking and dish washing to dusting and vacuuming from window washing to mopping floors to bathroom cleaning and outdoor sweeping, it all so soon needs to be done again and again. Housework is a progressive activity that never stays done. I think that perhaps accepting that little truth and appreciating what does get done is half the housework battle.
Bottom line is what I've already said on the Facebook status, I feel that I've wasted too much time, too much of my life, worrying/thinking about my housework or lack thereof and feeling guilty that I don't do better! Less time thinking about it and more time doing it might have helped, but oh well!
My other bottom line (and yes, I can have two bottom lines!) is that I'm just not disciplined enough to have a regular housekeeping schedule such as bathrooms on Monday, vacuuming on Tuesday, grocery shopping on Wednesday (grocery shopping could also be considered part of housekeeping), washing clothes on Thursday, etc.
I tend to do better when something bothers me so much that it needs to be done, or as I like to say, it calls to me. The glass storm doors or windows may say to me, "Wash me today. Let the sun shine in!" Or the over-flowing trash cans may call out, "Empty me. Or it's time to take a trip to the landfill today!" When I see no birds outside my windows, the empty bird feeders say to me, "Fill us please." Ad infinitum et ultra. Even so, sometimes I can choose to ignore their voices!
"A clean house may be a sure sign of a wasted life," but housework is a part of that life, so getting a good perspective or a handle on it is important to me. I want to remember how much I really do love my house as I blogged about over a year ago, and I want to remember Mindfulness, with a capital M. When I do choose to tackle a household chore, I want to do so mindfully and try to get all the fun and enjoyment out of it that I can. If it's some chore that I dread (like cleaning the stove), then I can set my phone alarm for an hour and work on it for an hour that day. It doesn't have to get all done in a day. I can work on it an hour again the next day or the next week.
Perhaps my Aunt Sandra gave the recipe for true peace of mind about housekeeping: "Keep your house as clean as you want to live. Then have 2-3 friends who swear on their lives that the moment they hear you've passed on, they'll rush in and clean before the hordes start arriving!" Now that should do the trick!
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